STOCKHOLM SYNDROME

If I came to your house uninvited and you accommodated me not considering the unbearable discomfort my intrusion would likely generate, courtesy demands that I maintained a good level of moral rectitude, the one especial of a gentleman. That is, whatever you call your dos and donts deserve my sincere respect regardless of it agreeing with my philosophy or not. But in the stead of me to display an artful of equanimity in your neighborhood, I simply took to raping your sister, elder or younger, bullying your father with an unprecedented coercion, forcing your mother to lick my cock as a sort of foreplay before devouring your aunties and a host of other unsavory sacrilegious lewdness.

All these I did because one of my distant uncles who share the same colour with me had long ago sanctioned the legitimacy of this moral subterfuge in a certain allegorical literature even before my conception. Since I NEEDED someone to do my work for me not because I was an amputee but because my comfort was more important than the freedom of people with ‘inferior’ colour, and fortunately for me, this distant uncle had included a portion in his literature in Leviticus 25 verse 24 that reads “Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of heathen that are round about you: of them shall ye BUY bondmen and bondmaids.” I kuku have the money in excess, all I needed to do was to show them this and BUY them in millions. Tekbir!!!

You see, my uncle was so nice a man, he knew there would be a time when my libido would crave for some sort of ritual, when this time arises, he even had included a portion for me to run to. Also in this same Leviticus but in different chapter. This time in chapter 19 verse 20 which reads “And whosoever lieth carnally with a woman, that is a BONDMAID, betrothed to an husband, and not all redeemed, nor freedom given her: she shall be scourged: they shall not be put to death, because she was not free.” My uncle just said they can even punish my African slaves here whom I have raped bitterly, simply because she is not FREE and heaven will not fall.

And whenever anyone of them thought of waging war against my moral ineptitude, my uncle said I should quickly run to Jeremiah 11:11 and show them what he had written which reads “Therefore, thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will bring EVIL upon them, which they shall not be able to escape: and though they shall cry unto me, I will not hearken unto them. My Lord is good!!!

Simultaneously and coincidentally, another brother of varied gene but with compelling colour resemblance was in the next house preaching about the putative existence of a master who chose to appoint all his ministers from a single race. These said ministers were to eventually trumpet the magnanimity of their master across the planet of 510 million square kilometers with countless tribes and traditions of different people. The brother, a consummate dissimulator, had tried to euphemise how the last minister of his master had gone to war with any of his immediate neighbors who disproved and disagreed with the existence of his master.

He did well in his verbal prowess for convincing his prospective preys that there exists a wide difference between killing normal people and killing disbelievers for anybody would think that a disbeliever would never believe and as such, strangulating him is like doing him a handful of good. Lol. He told them that this same minister got many women in his museum of better-half most of whom were the proceeds of war. Funny though, these wives, according to narrative implicature, were fed by the economic produce of the first wife.

He would show them a book from which he quoted, not one or two, more than four, not to talk of three instances, where his master punished vehemently those people who disregarded his rulership. His argument for the tenability of this literature was that it was compiled by the last minister through his master’s telephatic inspiration because he could neither read nor write. The endgame was that, he was inviting the helpless audience to embrace his faith in order to enjoy some superfluous luxury kept in a certain stadium called Aljana in the land of yet-to-be-created planet.

This didn’t present them, the people, a large window of opportunity to make sound decision because of the already created notion that any rejection to this offer would mean killing and tagging them disbelievers eventually as justification, like those ones in the reported book. It is like holding akara in one hand and koboko in the other, for a child of eight years, deciding which to go for would be astonishingly difficult. And when you finally accepted it, the man would smile and say that he had brought you the crusade of peace. Peace indeed!!! E gbe Olohun tobiii!!!

But wait, this crusade of peace did not come without you paying your dues. You must bear names of his race’s origin because your name is not included in heavenly dictionary. You must pray to his master in the minister’s tongue because that is the only language he understands and yours is just a mere noise. You must touch not the beard on you because such was the last minister’s short code popular style and you must make sure your trousers are in constant disunity with your ankle because that is the heavenly dress code. And when you do all these, we welcome you to join in fighting the disbelievers in Syria and Iran because laying your life for this course will multiply your spiritual GP in the presence of the most high master. Can somebody shout hallelujah???

Stockholm syndrome is a psychological condition a captive develops after years of torture by their capturer where, after all hope is lost, they cope with their rape and captivity by actually falling in love with, protecting, justifying and even worshipping their capturer/rapist.

Thinking is still not as costly as a bag of tomatoes and it is not illegal yet to think. Think now when it is still free.

Wale Oyedeji